I'll be seeing you.

It's been a crappy week.

To begin with, my dad got a phone call saying that my Gran (who has quite serious Dementia) was seen leaving her house in her pyjamas and handbag at about 9pm. Her neighbour had to run down the street after her to bring her back and she had no idea where she was or what she was doing. She really is just a shell of what she used to be, it's almost like looking after someone else's grandparent who has no clue who you are.

Then the even more depressing news came on Monday. My Grandpa had been diagnosed with Leukemia five weeks ago, so his children were going up to visit him at the weekends as the doctors said he would only have a few months left. My dad went up on Saturday - he was really weak apparantly as he was supposed to have had a blood transfusion on Friday but the doctors hadn't got the results in time. Then Monday afternoon he phoned my dad to say he was being taking into hospital to have a transfusion as he'd nearly collapsed. It didn't sound that serious, so we decided to go to the cinema to see the new Harry Potter film. About an hour in my dad's phone went off and he walked out to answer it, then ten minutes later he walked to the side of the steps and my mum went down to him, and they both left. That's when I knew something was horribly wrong. I looked at my older brother and he put his hand on my shoulder, my heart started beating so loud I could barely hear anything over it, and I couldn't focus on the film.

My mum came back into the cinema about five minutes later and sat in one of the empty chairs at the front. My brother said to me, "Do you want to finish watching the film or shall we go down?" but there was barely a decision to be made. We went down and my mum told us that Grandpa wasn't expected to make it through the night and that all his children were driving up as quickly as they could so they could be with him.

Our dad was still waiting outside for his brother to pick him up when we came out a few minutes later, so we waited with him (I was mostly crying and hugging my dad). Then we went home and my mum phoned my sister and her husband to let them now. I'm so glad they ended their month long argument, it's times like these when you really need everyone together. They came round and we were up till about twelve talking and reminiscing. Then my dad phoned - they hadn't got there in time. At about half ten Grandpa had been in such pain he refused all further treatment, he died at about quarter past eleven, all alone. No one had got there in time. I cried myself to sleep that night, listening to the Smiths.

I've never seen my dad so upset as when he came home the next day after sorting out funeral arrangements. Obviously it's sad for all of us but I think the realisation that he hasn't really got any parents left was so shocking.

Me and my sister are trying to prepare ourselves for the funeral next Friday, but I know there won't be anyone there who doesn't at least shed one tear. My dad's chosen some absolutely beautiful music from Grandpa's collection for the cremation - "They Can't Take That Away From Me" by Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald, and "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday - which are lovely songs but very sad. The good thing is we've decided to organise a meal up there after the wake for his children and all their families, which will be a nice way to celebrate his life.

I think I'm going to have to have a talk with my little brother though, who is abnormally self-centered, even for a child. He needs to know that if he causes ANY arguments or makes the day even more distressing than it already will be, I will personally beat him to a pulp. I might even have to bribe him to do whatever he's told without argument, although hopefully he'll understand and behave out of respect for Grandpa.

Jealous much?

He's gorgeous, hilarious, seriously intelligent and generally lovely; she is also all of these things. Who are they? My new favourite 'celebrity' couple. I love them for all the reasons listed above and these ones:

. Following the unbreakable rules of celebrity couples, their combined named would be 'Sisla'. This is clearly genius.

. They're not really a proper celebrity couple in the sense of the phrase - it's more that they both happen to be celebrities...and a couple.

. They're both really private about what are, rightfully, their private lives. As most of my favourite famous people (Johnny Depp, Matt Morgan, Hugh Laurie) are pretty much as recluse as celebrities can be, this fits well.

I want to be either of them. I don't care which since they're both awesome.

I have a new crush.

Watching Wimbledon this year, it's clear that I'm in love with Federer. I got into watching tennis last year and always liked Federer, feeling really sorry for him when he lost to Nadal. But this year, JESUS CHRIST is he hot. His tight shirts showing off his gorgeous pecs, and his genuinely lovely nature means I actually love him. He's just so... lovely.

LoveFilm

My brother gave me a load of dvds yesterday that I have to watch. Loads of them are films that I've always wanted to see but just have never got around to it.

Maire Antoinette
Brick
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Edukators
Sideways
Thank You For Smoking
The Talented Mr Ripley
Children of Men
The Prestige

Watched Maire Antoinette last night which was really good. Kirsten Dunst was particularly good at portraying a young girl swept up in the grandeur of 18th Century French aristocracy. I liked the way it presented her not as a greedy bitch who didn't give a fuck about the peasantry, but rather as someone who thought the customs were ridiculous but was forced to comply with them (and eventually grew used to them) because she was incredibly lonely and unsatisfied.