Christmas time, mistletoe and wine.

I'm leaving uni for the Christmas holidays on Sunday and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I think I'll be alright with the build up to Christmas, but after that I know I'll just want to come back and have a few drinks with my housemates at the Pav Tav. FOUR WHOLE WEEKS without that place is going to be torture, especially as there's nothing like it in my hometown, just a few old men pubs, Wetherspoons and a couple of really shitty clubs.

I'm going to miss the people here like crazy as well. They really are true friends I could talk to about anything, I can't believe I've only known them ten weeks and not ten years. Plus there are no cute barmen I can have mini-romances with at home, although I'm definitely not looking forward to the whole 'Have you got a boyfriend yet?' followed by a look of pity when I say 'NO!'. I'm not ready for a proper relationship yet, so stop looking at me like I should be ashamed I'm not in one. Just because my older sister and brother had perfect relationships when they were my age, doesn't mean I have to settle down.

I am a bit sniffly, and haven't even started an essay due in tomorrow yet, but I'm still going out tonight. It's the last week, I'm going to cram as much Pav Tav time in as I can!

?

After how last night went, apparantly it's not as over as I thought.



Yay!




I am happy, even if I did embarass myself to the extreme and only got in at 8.30am this morning. Have MASSIVE hangover coming on depsite taking two aspirin.

I know it's over...

...and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real.



:(

Stupid guys with their stupid logic that makes no sense and makes me make stupid whinging blog posts about how stupid men in general are. The Smiths' 'I Know It's Over' is not helping my mood.


#Love is natural and real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is natural and real
But not for such as you and I, my love#

Drunken thoughts

Since I am not capable of making one coherent post, I shall just type all my ideas into bullet points:

. SUSSEX IS FUCKING AWESOME. I love it so much, even though I'm missing home an awful lot.

. For some reason I gave two guys a double shot of my vodka each tonight. They so owe me.

. MATT MORGAN IS MAYBE DOING HIS OWN RADIO SHOW. I'm not going to lie, I've barely thought of the possibilities of this not happening. I am so ridiculously happy that it might occur I've been smiling all day for no apparant reason.

. I hate the girls on the floor above me. We went to investigate what all the noise above us was about, and literally everything we said to them was met with 'AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' but seriously high pitched. I had to reassure the guys who were with us that not all drunk women were like that. Embarrassing.

. For some reason I still haven't done the reading I'm meant to have. I think this is because it requires some effort.

. I hope I only vaguley remember this in the morning. That way, when I come to read this line, I'll probably be chuckling :D

J G-L

Please tell me when this:















turned into this:

























?


I'm not complaining.

I'll be seeing you.

It's been a crappy week.

To begin with, my dad got a phone call saying that my Gran (who has quite serious Dementia) was seen leaving her house in her pyjamas and handbag at about 9pm. Her neighbour had to run down the street after her to bring her back and she had no idea where she was or what she was doing. She really is just a shell of what she used to be, it's almost like looking after someone else's grandparent who has no clue who you are.

Then the even more depressing news came on Monday. My Grandpa had been diagnosed with Leukemia five weeks ago, so his children were going up to visit him at the weekends as the doctors said he would only have a few months left. My dad went up on Saturday - he was really weak apparantly as he was supposed to have had a blood transfusion on Friday but the doctors hadn't got the results in time. Then Monday afternoon he phoned my dad to say he was being taking into hospital to have a transfusion as he'd nearly collapsed. It didn't sound that serious, so we decided to go to the cinema to see the new Harry Potter film. About an hour in my dad's phone went off and he walked out to answer it, then ten minutes later he walked to the side of the steps and my mum went down to him, and they both left. That's when I knew something was horribly wrong. I looked at my older brother and he put his hand on my shoulder, my heart started beating so loud I could barely hear anything over it, and I couldn't focus on the film.

My mum came back into the cinema about five minutes later and sat in one of the empty chairs at the front. My brother said to me, "Do you want to finish watching the film or shall we go down?" but there was barely a decision to be made. We went down and my mum told us that Grandpa wasn't expected to make it through the night and that all his children were driving up as quickly as they could so they could be with him.

Our dad was still waiting outside for his brother to pick him up when we came out a few minutes later, so we waited with him (I was mostly crying and hugging my dad). Then we went home and my mum phoned my sister and her husband to let them now. I'm so glad they ended their month long argument, it's times like these when you really need everyone together. They came round and we were up till about twelve talking and reminiscing. Then my dad phoned - they hadn't got there in time. At about half ten Grandpa had been in such pain he refused all further treatment, he died at about quarter past eleven, all alone. No one had got there in time. I cried myself to sleep that night, listening to the Smiths.

I've never seen my dad so upset as when he came home the next day after sorting out funeral arrangements. Obviously it's sad for all of us but I think the realisation that he hasn't really got any parents left was so shocking.

Me and my sister are trying to prepare ourselves for the funeral next Friday, but I know there won't be anyone there who doesn't at least shed one tear. My dad's chosen some absolutely beautiful music from Grandpa's collection for the cremation - "They Can't Take That Away From Me" by Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald, and "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday - which are lovely songs but very sad. The good thing is we've decided to organise a meal up there after the wake for his children and all their families, which will be a nice way to celebrate his life.

I think I'm going to have to have a talk with my little brother though, who is abnormally self-centered, even for a child. He needs to know that if he causes ANY arguments or makes the day even more distressing than it already will be, I will personally beat him to a pulp. I might even have to bribe him to do whatever he's told without argument, although hopefully he'll understand and behave out of respect for Grandpa.

Jealous much?

He's gorgeous, hilarious, seriously intelligent and generally lovely; she is also all of these things. Who are they? My new favourite 'celebrity' couple. I love them for all the reasons listed above and these ones:

. Following the unbreakable rules of celebrity couples, their combined named would be 'Sisla'. This is clearly genius.

. They're not really a proper celebrity couple in the sense of the phrase - it's more that they both happen to be celebrities...and a couple.

. They're both really private about what are, rightfully, their private lives. As most of my favourite famous people (Johnny Depp, Matt Morgan, Hugh Laurie) are pretty much as recluse as celebrities can be, this fits well.

I want to be either of them. I don't care which since they're both awesome.

I have a new crush.

Watching Wimbledon this year, it's clear that I'm in love with Federer. I got into watching tennis last year and always liked Federer, feeling really sorry for him when he lost to Nadal. But this year, JESUS CHRIST is he hot. His tight shirts showing off his gorgeous pecs, and his genuinely lovely nature means I actually love him. He's just so... lovely.

LoveFilm

My brother gave me a load of dvds yesterday that I have to watch. Loads of them are films that I've always wanted to see but just have never got around to it.

Maire Antoinette
Brick
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Edukators
Sideways
Thank You For Smoking
The Talented Mr Ripley
Children of Men
The Prestige

Watched Maire Antoinette last night which was really good. Kirsten Dunst was particularly good at portraying a young girl swept up in the grandeur of 18th Century French aristocracy. I liked the way it presented her not as a greedy bitch who didn't give a fuck about the peasantry, but rather as someone who thought the customs were ridiculous but was forced to comply with them (and eventually grew used to them) because she was incredibly lonely and unsatisfied.

This past week I have:

. Watched almost two seasons of Buffy.

. Recovered spectacularly well from a bad hangover - managed to sleep off two/three glasses of champagne, two glasses of wine, two vodka and cokes and two vodka and lemonades.

. Been FAR too hot. I love to hate it.

. Started reading The Bell Jar again.

. Listened to a lot of Michael Jackson. Not in an 'OMG HE'S DEAD I HAVE TO MOURN HIM' way, but just because I suddenly felt like 'Hey, I feel like listening to Jacko'.

. Felt glad that I no longer like the Boosh. Otherwise, these rumours that they've split would probably have put me into some kind of depression. Fortunately, now I just laugh at the twat that is Neil Folding.

. Beat my brother 7-2 on X-Box Sonic. Oh yes.

. Realised I really want to see Public Enemies. Not just because of Johnny Depp either (although I did watch the interview he did on Letterman and practically squeed all the way through because of how adorable his awkwardness is).

OH MY GOSH, that is like, major suckage.

I may have started watching Buffy again.

WHAT? It's awesome in it's American-ness. Plus, Angel is hot. You cannot deny that.

The time has come.

Summer Ball went well yesterday! Had a few troubles when we found at that the school had stolen some of our money needed to pay for vital components such as THE VENUE, but after that was dealt with everything was good.

Loads of people (my cousin and his possecrew) turned up completely piss drunk, and just proceeded to get even more laddish as more alcohol was consumed. Which was clearly the best part of the evening.

Our table was one person short until some absolute randomer came and sat down with us. He is possibly the most confident person I have ever met - when the waiter was serving our starters he claimed that he had helped organise this event (he hadn't), so if the staff could make sure that the leftover complementary champagne on entrance could be brought to our table, that would be great. We all looked at him like 'SURELY that can't work', but guess what? Yup, two minutes later a bottle of champagne had been brought to our table, which was filled with incredulous faces. All except for his which had the look of 'Yeah, I thought it might happen' on it.

Anyway, then I found out I could get served without being IDed, so the evening gets a bit blurry from then on. I remember bonding with my friend's boyfriend over our shared love of history, which was quite fun, and then being pulled over to dance by my other friend. Then the music stopped, the DJ left and the teachers were all ushering us out.

So all in all, a pretty good night.

Salon-o-phobia.

I'm having my haircut tomorrow. Eeep.

I have a real fear of hairdressers after a few incredibly bad haircuts. I've never had my hair cut exactly how I want, even though I've seen it on dozens of other people, and my fringe is NEVER cut right - it's always either too long from the word go or not a proper sweeping side fringe which suits my face best.

I hope it goes well, otherwise I'm going to have a serious challenge with deciding how to have it on Tuesday.

Why can't there be a button in life so you can switch hairstyles/cuts like that?

In the future when all's good and well.

I woke up today with my headache from yesterday, only ten times worse. There's a massive pain on the side of my head just behind my ears - a stabbing pain that kills whenever I move around. I was meant to be having my hair cut today but it's clearly not happening, which means I won't be able to get it done till Monday which is the day before my Summer Ball. Yikes, I hope I like it.

Anyway, you know those weird dreams I was having last week? Well, they've turned horrific this week, really terrifying. On Wednesday I dreamed that my Gran, who has severe dementia, died in my arms while I was around her house. It was really horrible yet utterly realistic, and I woke up from it sobbing.

Then last night I dreamt that I had a heart attack at my Sixth Form and one of my teachers had to perform a heart transplant operation on me. I could physically feel the pain in my chest as I was sleeping and woke up several times in the night believing it to be real.

The second dream is clearly a result of watching too much House, but the first one came entirely out of the blue.

Anyway, my dreams of sleeping in till 3.00pm have been thwarted by my stupid headache so I have decided to get up and play on my X-Box all day. HAH. That'll show it (or more likely, make it worse)...

Finito.

I am over with exams. FINISHED. I was ecstatic for about half an hour until a splitting headache descended and has refused to go away. I think it's turning into a migraine, the lights in my room seem far too bright and are making my head hurt even more.

Anyway, now I have to try and get a job for the summer before I run out of money, but the likelihood of finding one when a lot of the shops have closed down is quite slim. But I shall perservere, cannot be poor when lots of drinking is to be had.

In the immediate future, I have to:

1. Tidy my room. It's an absolute mess, with paper strewn across the floor, clothes hanging over every surface, stacks of cds/dvds/paper/camera precariously piled on top of each other, and even empty boxes of easter chocolate. I expect I'll spend all day tomorrow cleaning it up.

2. Book hair appointment. Before Summer Ball as my fringe has completely grown out, as have the layers.

3. Buy false eyelashes for Summer Ball. Not really dramatic ones, just something simple to emphasise my eyes more.

4. Work out shoes/accesories/make-up/hair to go with dress.

5. Finish watching Season Five of House. SO close.

Update.

Prom dress:


And ideas for make up:

Took me bloody ages to get it precise, but it's worth it. It highlights the eyes but also looks relatively simple.

Ball time.

I finally have my prom dress. AT LAST. One week to go. It's from Topshop as well, which means there's a very high chance that someone else will also be wearing it. Oops.

I do really love it though, probably because it's not at all a traditional 'prom' dress. I'm hoping this will dissuade other last minute shoppers from buying the same one. I tried on so many typical prom dresses and they either didn't suit me or they were all very meh. But this one's quite different - it's more summer-elegant than prom, and reminds me of a bit Marilyn Monroe, although I'm not quite sure why. It's cream/lilac-blue/navy big, abstract flower print, with thick straps that cross at the back, fitted down to the waist and then poof out and back in again. Like an exagerrated pencil skirt.

I'm useless at explaining clothes (when I told my mother what it looked like she said it sounded horrible, but when I actually showed her the dress she said it was lovely, which I don't think is just one of those parental obligation things), so will try to upload a photo later when my camera stops being a fuckwit.

My only problem now is what colour shoes/accesories to go for. I tried on my red satin heels just to get an idea of what high heels would look like with it, and I thought they went in a kind of clashing-but-in-the-alright-sense way. However, I think maybe silver or dark navy would be best, so shall ask my sister if she has anything I can borrow before I spend anymore money.

As a side note, it was only £38! From Topshop, that's bloody good. Makes up for the £35 I spent on the Ball ticket. Yikes!

(Nice Dream)

I keep having really weird dreams. I know what you're thinking - so what? EVERYONE has weird dreams. But the thing is, normally I never even remember my dreams, let alone think they're weird. So I'm getting a bit freaked out with my mind.

On Sunday night I dreamed that the Russell Brand radio show had continued like the Sachsgate scandal had never happened, and when I downloaded the new one Brand's co-host Matt Morgan had returned (for all you who didn't listen to the show, Matt Morgan left several weeks before the show ended for unknown reasons. He also happens to be extremely funny, sexy and a genuinely cool guy who managed to make Russell Brand bearable and often funny. Yes, he's that good). Anyway, this made me infinitely happy for reasons explained above. In my dream it transpired that a person on the Boosh forum I frequent, who is also a Morgan nut, went to the same university as me and I had her phone number...but I had no idea what she looks like. So I phoned her up saying, "MATT'S ON THE SHOW AGAIN! MATT'S ON THE SHOW AGAIN!", which made us both really excited, and the rest of the dream was us trying to find each other having no idea what the other one looked like.


And last night was an actually mental dream. There's an underpass near where I live and for some reason whenever it appears in my dream, one of the sides is practically at a 90° angle, making it impossible to get up unless you do a sprint start and don't stop running until you get to the top. So this was in my dream, and as usual when it appears there's a load of people stuck at the bottom trying to get up. Then it switched to me and a few of my friends sitting on a bench at the top of this underpass with these stranger guys - one of whom kept trying to kiss me and I kept having to kick him in the nuts to make him stop. And THEN, I can't remember where I was but it suddenly switched to me watching a video on youtube of Robert Pattinson singing and I couldn't stop laughing. OH, and I remember back at this underpass place, people were paying for something - not sure what - and I also payed for it but the change I got was all wrong. It was in different currencies and I tried to get the cashier to change it but she wouldn't. Then I noticed that some of the 'money' was actually a big stack of Pogs, and the person in the queue behind me - I think they were American - asked me what 'Pogs' were and I had to explain to her how you played the game, except I didn't actually know so I started telling the rules to Tiddlywinks instead. Which I only vaguely know.

Maybe it's the stress of all this revision that's sending me crazy. I'm doing at least seven/eight hours a day which is quite a lot for me.

You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you...

It's that time again for the Mr Darcy sighs. SIGH. I've got a hundred pages left of the book and I've started watching the tv series again (I say started, I've already finished episode 4 of 6. Whoops!). Just got up to the bit where Lizzie and Darcy meet at Pemberly and Darcy's all charming and lovely and handsome and WET SHIRT goodness. I actually hugged my knees when he asked Lizzie to meet his sister, it's so undeniably cute and makes me feel impossibly happy and hopeful.

But now I have to finish reading the book (not exactly a chore!) because I can't remember how the episodes are organised, and I'm afraid that the next episode will go past the bit where Lizzie's at home after Lydia and Wickham have 'eloped' - where I am in the book - which will just not do.

Inflammatory writ.

Dear Ms M,


We are writing to inform you that you are a hopeless case and we can no longer help you. You are beyond therapy and have slipped into the folder named 'Beyond Help'. We thought we would have problems ever since you told us that your first love was Simba from 'The Lion King' - a revelation that worried us sincerely and forced us to consider phoning the help line for people with beastial tendancies (we have subsequently been informed that there have been no repeats of this kind, which eased our minds greatly).

But I'm afraid to inform you that now you have gone too far. No matter how many times we tell you that Howl is not only a character from a film, but that he is an ANIMATION, you continue to love him and hold hopes of one day meeting him. We considered confiscating your DVD of 'Howl's Moving Castle' but realised you would simply buy another one, or even recreate your own version. Instead, we have decided simply to let you go - you can sort your own problems out.

We wish you all the luck you will need in trying to achieve this (ie. a lot).

Yours sincerely,

GetOverHim Incorporated.

The signifieds butt heads with the signifiers, and we all fall down slack jawed to marvel at words.

I am currently revising. As you can tell from the fact that I am instead writing this blog. Oops. I have been quite good with my revision recently though, been doing at least seven hours a day which is quite amazing for me. To be honest, it's been quite fun - I sit outside tanning and learning, watching my rabbit running around and occasionally telling him off for trying to eat the memorial rose (in memory of his partner of 6 years - rabbits have no respect for the dead).

Did you know that up to about the 1970s the average life expectancy of Native Americans was only 44 years old? Compare that to 67 years for the average American. SEE, I have been revising.

I've started re-reading Pride and Prejudice and have consequently fallen in love with Mr Darcy all over again. Swoon. I can't believe I ever fell out of love with him really, just sort of placed him to one side for a while. Reading the book had made me anticipate watching the TV series again (Haven't even considered the film, looks absolute pants), I cannot wait for Colin Firth looking all sexy in his breeches with his protestations of love. The book is really quite funny, I'd forgotten that too.

Anyway, two weeks today and all this exam nonsense will be over. YAY!

BALL.

I am in desperate need of finding a dress for my Summer Ball. I have a massive fear that someone will turn up in the same dress as me (since there are limited places you can buy such dresses from in my area), which pretty much vetoes anything from Topshop/H&M/Zara - a huge pain seeing as there are some especially nice ones from these shops.

My preliminary searchings have found me:

from Whistles.

from rarefashion.com

from Monsoon.

from Oli.com

As you can see, I'm not really going for the BA-NAHHH in your face, I-am-most-certainly-a-prom-dress dress. But something special, that I could wear to other formal occasions. Anyone else got some suggestions of dresses/sites to check out?

Hallo

This is me. Hallo.

Decided to start a blog as well as having a livejournal (http://starshinepink.livejournal.com/), don't ask me why. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm bored and like creating new layouts.

But I hope I'll keep it up. I will have about four months of summer after my A-Levels so I expect I'll find time to keep it updated, which involves ramblings about my life and important philosophical questions such as 'Why are boys such dicks?'. Feel free to leave comments, it would be nice to know if anyone at all is reading this.

Laters. xx